Overcoming fear in your life

A quote from famous author of Dune, Frank Herbert

When I started out as a photographer, it seemed like I was in over my head. Even the decision to choose photography as a career was not an easy one.

For starters, my father was against it. A lot of artists have the same frustrations. Against authority! or the norm. Society over a long period of time has conditioned us to do things not because of their importance or value to us but only because we are expected to. For instance university where a high number people enroll into university because society expects them to rather than being their to increase their knowledge in specific fields. Additionally, if you are to stand a chance in this job market. you need that university degree. I once read somewhere that we go to university only to show our future employers that they can count on us, we are reliable and we wont bail(drop out). Basically, it shows that this degree holder showed up for three to four years, worked under pressure to submit assignments and coursework, completed the tasks that were assigned to them and could work with other people. That’s university’s purpose in a nutshell to some. You could argue there are different ways of finding out if an employee is reliable or not which does not involve a three to four year waiting period.

In Africa, or Uganda, were majority of families are middle class or lower class, parents are inclined to protect their children from the pitfalls of poverty. This includes getting a good education and a good sustainable job. This is what they work for. So that we, the younger generation has a stable source of income. But what is stable in their generation can be argued to be somewhat lacking to our generation. For instance, They expect you to study, graduate and get in the job market. This is challenging in itself as the rate of youth unemployment in the country is over 75%. It is against this backdrop that parents apply more pressure on their children to perform so that they are not left behind to feed a statistic.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not abscence of fear Mark Twain

As far as I can remember, I have always been a good sketch artist. I sketched comics as kid in class, got named among the best art students of my school winning prizes and having my works exhibited. But this came natural to me. For a long time, I could not even see how talented I was or how I could use this talent or apply it. So I kid of hid this from my father.

Being intentional with my decisions

After two stressful years in business school at university, I decided to be intentional with my art. I was living a double life then and this took a toll on me. Those two years were nerve wrecking and I was very passive through them like I had been my whole life. Eventually, I reached the breaking point. I had to take action. I decided to act on my life rather than let things happen to me. No one was coming to hand me what I wanted or save me from what seemed like a life I did not want for myself. The validation I so much needed form my parents waned and I dropped out. I talked to my father about it and he exploded. This was by far the scariest thing I had done in my life. I had been in a lot of trouble growing up, I was a restless kid, but facing my father to tell him I wanted a change in career path. The decision to him seemed irrational and outright stupid. He was very disappointed in me. But I did it, I faced the bull by its horns, for the sake of my sanity and future.

When you choose to be an artist in Uganda, you better be the greatest artist there is. At the expense of family support, you may have to fend for yourself, sometimes even dropping out or getting kicked out of home. A good number of artists have fallen to these frustrations. Alienation from their parents for choosing the arts. It sounds like you are disrespecting their struggle. I can understand that but what would you choose? Being rich and unhappy or broke and happy?

I remember telling myself that if I could get a teachers’ salary doing what I love, I’d be happy. I was going to be a photographer and that was it. I was not doing this for money or survival, but because it made me happy. As time passed, the clearer that got to me even as much as we bumped heads with my father. He finally came around after realizing how persistent I was or how committed I was. He bought me my second camera that I have to this day. I noticed that If I am happy doing what I love, so will my parents. Now the biggest resistance to my dreams was out of the way, that guilt that I needed to do something special with my life, work a 9-5 job was gone. I could take on the world right? Wrong!

Even with my parents in my corner, the self doubt lingered. There was still some hesitancy from me. This took some years to get over. It low-key felt like survivors guilt. I was doing what I always wanted to do but I was not allowing myself to be what I thought I was meant to be. A talented artist.

Feel the fear and do it anyway Unknown

Practicing gratitude

Me doing what I love

I had to learn and practice gratitude. Gratitude for my being who I am, gratitude for all the trials and tribulations because they helped me realize what I was capable of, gratitude that this was a God given gift. Its very hard to be fearful and grateful at the same time you know! So I substituted fear for gratitude. However hard things may be at the moment in your life, there is always something to be grateful for, you just have to look. Believe in the impermanence of struggle and enjoy the peace and comfort in knowing that this too, will pass. Allow yourself to be great. Thank you.

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